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Major Ingredients of Caring – Part 2:
Trust, Humility, Hope, and Courage
Caring is an aspect of human endeavor which, in our age
of specialization, we have been taught to believe we can
safely leave aside. But with the aging of our population
and the increasing number of employees who are grappling
with elder care, Caring is being recognized as central to
human experience in the 21st century.
The excerpts below from Milton Mayeroff’s book, On Caring
(New York: Harper Collins, 1971) are equally relevant
to the employee caring for mom or dad and for the supervisor
or manager who values Caring in his or her relationship
with co-workers. Mayeroff defines Caring as “helping the
other grow.” Last month, we looked at the ingredients of
Knowing, Alternating Rhythms, Patience, and Honesty. In
the 2nd part of this two-part series, we look at the remaining
four ingredients: Trust, Humility, Hope, and Courage.
- Trust - Caring involves trusting the other to
grow in his or her own time and in her or her own
way. In caring for another person, we trust him or her
to make mistakes and to learn from them. Trusting the
other is to let go; it includes an element of risk and a
leap into the unknown, both of which take courage.
We show lack of trust by trying to dominate and force
the other into a mold or by requiring guarantees as to
the outcome, or even by “caring” too much.
Morbid dependency is, by its very nature, incompatible
with trust, for in such a situation any sign of
independence on the part of the other is experienced
as a threat.
Besides trusting the other, I must also trust my own
capacity to care. I must have confidence in my
judgments and in my ability to learn from any
mistakes. I must trust my instincts.
- Humility – Humility is present in caring in
several ways. The person who cares is genuinely
humble in being ready and willing to learn more about
the other and himself, and what caring involves. An
attitude of not having anything further to learn is
incompatible with caring.
Humility in caring also takes the form of realizing that
my particular caring is not in any way privileged.
Caring is not a contest in which we rate one person’s
ability to care vs. another’s ability to care.
Caring itself expresses a broader meaning of humility
as the overcoming of an attitude that sees others as
existing simply to satisfy one’s own needs. Such an
attitude engenders treating others as if they were
mere obstacles to overcome or clay for one to mold as
one pleases.
- Hope – Hope, as an expression of a
present alive with possibilities, rallies energies and
activates our powers; it is not a passive waiting for
something to happen from the outside. But it is not
simply hope for the other; it is hope for the realization
of the other through my caring; and therefore an
important aspect of hope is courage. Such courage is
found in standing by the other in trying circumstances,
and in taking risks that go beyond safety and security.
- Courage – Courage is present in going
into the unknown. Such courage is not blind; it is
informed by insight from past experiences and it is
open and sensitive to the present. Trust in the other to
grow and in my own ability to care gives me courage
to go into the unknown, but it is also true that, without
the courage to go into the unknown, such trust would
be impossible. And clearly, the greater the sense of
going into the unknown, the more courage is called for
in caring.
What do you think? Take a
moment now to send us an
email with your opinion and we will publish your
thoughts in the next issue.
John Paul Marosy
Editor and President,
Bringing Elder Care Home, LLC
John
Paul Marosy is the author of Elder Care: A
Six Step Guide to Balancing
Work and Family, available from Bringing Elder
Care Home Publishing online
at our Web site or by calling
508-854-0431.
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John Paul Marosy, President
Join us for a Train-the-Trainer Conference This
Spring:
May 18 in Grand Blanc, MI or June 1 in Louisville,
KY
You are invited to attend an educational event that will
increase
your
effectiveness in reaching and supporting employed
family caregivers.
Author and elder care/work balance expert John Paul
Marosy will present
train-the-trainer conferences this Spring on Friday,
May 18 at the Genesys Conference Center in
Grand
Blanc, MI, and on Friday, June
1 at the Executive Inn in
Louisville, KY.
Comfort Keepers of Burton, MI and KIPDA Area Agency
on Aging are sponsors of the Michigan and Kentucky
conferences, respectively.
Conference participants will learn to present and
market the seminar "Elder Care and
Work: Finding the Balance.” This seminar can be
delivered to groups in the community or in the
workplace. The concepts and materials can also be
used effectively in one-to-one coaching with employed
family caregivers.
The quality of this program has been recognized by
leaders in the family caregiver and work/life fields,
including Donna Wagner, Ph.D., Director, Gerontology
Program, Towson University, and Vicki Schmall,
consultant, Aging Concerns, West Linn, OR.
Click on the link below for the conference brochure
that provides all the details, including a registration
form. Registration at each conference is limited to 24
participants to assure personalized attention. So,
register today!
Brochure and
Registration
Form
For more information, contact John Paul Marosy
via
email or call
(508) 854-0431.
Do it today! We expect both conferences to
fill up rapidly.
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