By Maya Hennessey, author of If Only I'd Had This
Caregiving Book, now available at www.authorhouse.com

My husband Eddie died of brain cancer after a long and lingering illness. As his tumor grew, his seizures and periods of confusion increased. We staggered through treatments, tests, surgery, emergency rooms. Nighttime was vicious. I fell asleep from exhaustion, never slept well, one ear always ready for his call. He'd fall. I'd spend half the night trying to lift him back into bed and calm his emotional storms. Sleep deprivation was taking its toll on me.

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I'd break into tears at work. My boss, a kind and compassionate woman, requested that personnel put me on a seven-day-work-week status, which allowed me to put in my 40 hours whenever I could--nights, weekends, early mornings, whenever I could find respite for my husband. Flex schedule was a tremendous gift.

But, even with loving support at work, and friends trying to help, I collapsed a month before he died. It took me more than a year to regain the strength that had been sapped by caregiving. Paid leave would have prevented my collapse. I'd have been there with Eddie to the end, and it would've been less costly to my employer than all my doctor and disability costs.

I had no idea I was pushing myself beyond my limits - that I was a ticking time bomb. While lying in bed trying to recover from pneumonia and regain my strength I began to journal about my experience. What began as a catharsis, a release for my anguish, soon turned into my first book.

When I think of paid leave, I think of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual struggles of caregiving. With paid leave I could've taken the time to learn more about the deterioration that accompanies brain cancer and developed a care plan for the services he would need before, not in the midst, of crises. There is so much for the caregiver to learn, such as terminology, types of treatment, and where to get the right services, how much, and how to find out what insurance covers. Many caregivers suddenly have to take on duties that the care recipient handled in the past.

Learning is much more difficult under the stress of caregiving, especially when the caregiver is employed full time. I recall reading an insurance policy over and over. I was too exhausted and distraught to retain what I read.

I'd spend hours on the phone trying to find the right services - day care, respite - between doing my job at work. The process of finding services could take days or weeks. I would leave messages, and the agencies would call back when I wasn't available. With paid leave, I would have been at home to receive the return calls, and the right services would have been put in place much quicker.

It takes time to sort through the emotional shock, the mixture of feelings-hope, despair, anger, frustration, confusion-when a caregiver suddenly gets hit with news of a loved ones terminal illness. Without time to process, the unresolved emotions pile up. Paid leave allows time for emotional decompression, time to cry, to share, to plan with friends, family or professionals. Instead, we working caregivers stuff our feelings to make it through the next day at work, the next night at home.

Prior to caregiving my day began with prayer and meditation. After being tossed into caregiving I was driven out of bed under the lash of urgency for all that had to be done before I left for work, and all that awaited me at work. I rushed through the day, always behind in everything, rushed home to the endless chores awaiting me there. And after midnight I collapsed in bed painfully aware of all that I hadn't gotten done. Prayer and meditation, my ideal way to start the day, had gotten squeezed out. Paid leave would've allowed time for my spiritual practices, a time for calm reflection, and planning the day for myself and my loved one.

Paid leave is the most humane approach for caregivers, and the most cost effective policy for employers.

What do you think? Take a moment now to send us an e-mail with your opinion to jpmarosy@bringingeldercarehome.com We will publish your thoughts in the next issue.

John Paul Marosy
Editor and President,
Bringing Elder Care Home, LLC

John Paul Marosy is the author of Elder Care: A Six Step Guide to Balancing Work and Family, available from Bringing Elder Care Home Publishing online at www.bringingeldercarehome.com or by calling 508-854-0431.

Visit www.bringingeldercarehome.com, call or email to learn how your organization can offer this effective resource: (508) 854-0431, jpmarosy@bringingeldercarehome.com

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